Speeding Tickets and the A-Holes Who Write Them

Posted by graysonjack on August 3, 2011 · 9 Comments 

I’m guessing if you’re of at least the age of 16, a minimum of functionally retarded and have at least 75% use of your appendages, you’ve probably received your drivers’ license.  And with that American symbol of freedom and adulthood comes the inevitable…speeding tickets.  There is absolutely nothing more infuriating than breaking the law and getting busted.

Ok, granted it’s our own fault for getting speeding tickets, but the whole process feels like one giant ‘Fuck You’ courtesy of the local police force.  Instead of actively attempting to get drivers to slow down via an assortment of visual and verbal warnings (perhaps a point system or database with registered drivers agreeing to a ‘3 strikes then ticket’ rule), we have the equivalent of snipers watching our city roads.  Camouflaged egotists exploiting the ‘one shot one kill’ mantra of the military on the unsuspecting masses.  It just seems like speed traps go against everything the police are supposed to stand for; ‘To Serve and Protect’. The only thing they’re serving is my chapped ass a speeding ticket that’s 3 fucking feet long and looks more like a grocery shopping receipt from Wal-Mart.  I respect police for the job they do, I know it can be stressful (especially with the ‘dumbass ratio’ disturbingly high), but for the love of Christ, you just sodomized me without even the luxury of lube!  If you’re going to insist on doing your job and ruining my day with a laughably high fine, at least be nice!  That’s all I ask!  You’re not a fucking robot and neither am I; so yes, I get just a bit irritable when you write me a ticket with the ‘fuck-all’ arrogance of a high school quarterback on the varsity football team.  Ask me some questions!  Give me a smile; inquire if I have a medical emergency.  Anything other than the most condescending ‘fuck you’ ever uttered by a waste of an upstanding citizens tax money: “Have a nice day, drive safe.”  Prior posts be damned, there is absolutely nothing more in this world that makes me want to pull your own weapon and introduce its barrel to your ass in a biblical way, than that one single statement (for scary legal reasons, I have to say I would never ever do that; probably).  The level of insincerity and condescension is absolutely fucking appalling!  You might as well just say, “Here’s a $200 ticket, go fuck yourself, I hope you die.” Because that’s pretty much all you’re saying anyway…just in a more passive aggressive way.

Anyway, North Richland Hills…I’m calling you out; in my 15 years of driving, I would say at least 80% of the tickets I’ve ever received would be in your city; and I lived out of Texas for 5…FIVE(!) of those fucking years!  Do you know how many tickets I was written in those five years out of state? None, zero, nil, zip, zilch, nada.  And it’s not like I lived exclusively IN North Richland Hills in those remaining 10 driving years.  Only one and half of my ten years driving in Texas did I live in NRH, the rest were in neighboring cities.  That is a really shitty ratio of ‘tickets to city lived in’.  NRH is renowned locally for having dick cops; maybe they go to the same ‘Be a Dick’ school as military police because according to both aforementioned groups…their shit don’t stink and everyone who isn’t them are law breaking mongoloids who are one step up from apes flinging shit out of windows, smelling offending finger and falling off perch. If you don’t get the reference, you-tube it…you’ll probably have to buy a computer first you non-technology having simpleton.  But then again, I suppose I could always slow down…who needs to go 40 in a 35mph zone anyway?

In closing, Go Fuck Yourself NRH…with all due respect of course.  Have a nice day!

Filed under rants · Tagged with Driver's license, Police, Police officer, Speeding Ticket, Texas, Traffic ticket, United States, Wal-Mart