McLawsuit, Ordered How You Like It

Do you think folks in the 1930’s used to say: “You know Bob, we sure have become a litigious society.” I don’t know for sure but I’m guessing people weren’t as sensitive as we are now, or perhaps as greedy; either way I’m not positive on exactly how stupidity works. What I am sure about, though, is our elected officials are having to create new laws (at least at home here in Texas) to stem the pandemic of frivolous litigation demanding millions in restitution for mental anguish and what not.

I associate this asinine behavior with the seemingly modern notion of ‘money for nothing’. From a previous post on reality TV, it’s not just the shows and the men who watch them that irritate me; it’s also the fame whores who want notoriety, money and “legitimate” acting careers simply by being a slut or a d-bag on camera. To semi-quote the character Michael Bolton from the movie Office Space, these idiots are a bunch of, “…no talent ass clown(s)”. Are the so called actors saying they belong on the same screen as Meryl Streep and Robert Di Nero because they knob gobbled a couple randoms on ‘Big Brother’ or tongue tapped some strange on the Bachelor? Not only no, but HELL NO!

These imbeciles have no love of the craft they profess to want; they just covet Angelina Jolie’s money, man and life. Reality stars are no different than 85% of people who file these frivolous lawsuits; they’re just the beautiful versions of the morons who are looking to punch their ticket into the easy life. These people don’t want to work for their money; they just want to steal it from the people who actually earn it. But hey, McDonald’s makes a billion dollars a day right? What’s the loss of a couple million to them? Or, I’m entitled to $4 million because my boss at Wal-Mart tried to hug me; you have no idea the mental anguish and physical pain I still feel from being violated by his giant paws. You can’t put a price on my mental well-being. I haven’t been able to work since the incident.

Meanwhile Corporal Conrad gets shot in the arm. He’s sent back state-side, medically discharged from the military and is left unable to even afford a beer to numb the pain of seeing his best friend die in Afghanistan. To make matters worse, he feels guilty having left his unit behind; but the cherry on top of this whole shit storm is the fact that he can’t even jerk off to the new ‘Bachelorette’ because his wounded arm is actually his masturbatory hand and there’s nothing he can do about it; no lawsuit for him.

Yet, Frank down the road fell in a pot-hole while walking down the street and sprained his ankle because he was texting his wife about the latest contestant on ‘So Who Wants To Marry A Socially And Morally Corrupt Douche Nugget Because He Has $1 million In Non-Liquid Assets’. Now Frank sues the city for $15 million for “pain and suffering”, plus he needs a new boat because fuck the city and its taxpayers. The ironic end to this situation is, due to Frank’s lawsuit, the city can’t afford to fix the pot-hole. How about doing me a favor next time Frank and just go play in traffic.

Realize, every time one of these companies get sued, it drives the price of goods up even further so that they have the ability to pay exorbitant sums of money to the morally inept bitch-tards who sue them. Thanks a lot you economically stunted rapist. That’s what you are; every time you sue for something as insane as shitty food, you are shedding light on my black-hole of infinite darkness with your metaphorical penis by costing me money that I earned!

13 Responses to “McLawsuit, Ordered How You Like It”
  1. brainrants says:

    OMG dude you are hilarious. Thanks for your service and for many laughs. I’ve subscribed.

  2. Awhhhhh my man! you opened up a real shit storm now. First just in case i have not said it, you know i am kind of old, kind of slow, had a little brain work so i might have forgotten. Thank you for being one of this country’s many Heros. Regardless of the politics or views on whether or not we should be in any conflict, very few have the BALLS AND HEART that you have to stand up and commit to pay the heavy and possibly ultimate price to defend our way of life. So THANK YOU MARINE! semper-fi. Now the answer to all life issues is common sense – vs – stupidity. By the looks of some of these comments you need to get back to comedy because common sense is taking a pretty good beating.

    • By the way CPL. what ever happened to adapt, improvise and over come? Mary jane and her 5 sisters have another five sisters, there on the other side of your body. Note this is only a joke and only funny if the cpl. is not real…. So don’t get stupid on me. hee hee!

  3. As an Indian, I sometimes read about the various lawsuits being filed in America for seemingly frivolous things and I wonder about the wisdom behind these lawsuits. I agree with you that in most cases, it is just a get-rich-quick scheme without thinking about the larger consequences.

    That being said, I also feel that consumer rights are important. In India, consumer rights are non-existent. Companies can pretty much do anything they want and consumers are not only not aware of their rights but are often hesitant to take their valid suits to court. It just doesnt seem worth it and as a lawyer I understand where they come from. I think the middle path (as always) is the wise path to walk down. Consumer rights should not be quashed but at the same time, courts should not entertain frivolous lawsuits.

    I find it weird when families sue cigarette companies for the death of someone who has been smoking for years. I believe it is the choice of the smoker and anyone and everyone has a right to say no. If a person is foolish enough to smoke even though they are aware of the risks involved, then its their call and not the cigarette companies’ fault.

    Great post.

    • Thank you for saying pretty much exactly what I wanted to say, much more eloquently that I was able to convey. 🙂

    • graysonjack says:

      Well put! I definitely agree. I think part of my bias is that I’m not just a military veteran but also a war veteran. Now, I’m not in any way trying to blow my own horn or get sympathy, but I’ve seen what can happen to brave men and women who might not necessarily agree with the war, but join as a sense of duty and love of country. Hell, some might even sign up just for the ability to get an education. Either way they join by choice and not draft. Many of them come home wounded both physically and mentally; and I mean legitimately. But they don’t and can’t sue the government because, A) It was their choice, and B) They knew the risk when joining. But as you pointed out, there are families suing because loved ones died from smoking…a choice that person made knowing full well the dangers that smoking entails. That’s all I have a problem with. Thank you for the comment!

  4. I recently watched this HBO documentary called “Hot Coffee” about suing in our country…. I gotta say it was terribly eye-opening. The real, true story of the spilled McDonalds coffee is DEVASTATING… and that woman DESERVED to get her medical bills paid – and I also have a different view of legislatures deciding how much can be given out….. realize that every time a corporation is allowed to fuck you over with no retribution given back to them, that we as a society suffer. I think frivolous lawsuits suck, but if you have a case, and you deserve compensation, and said corporation who sodomized you only has to pay you 1/10 of what you are owed because of some assholes who try to make things easier for those corporations, well, then fuck me running, I think that’s bullshit. Obviously, you’re entitled to your opinion, but if you have a chance, you should watch Hot Coffee.. if only to see if you will still feel the same after viewing it.

    • graysonjack says:

      It’s funny that you mention the documentary because it’s exactly what got me thinking about this subject in the first place. What happened to that woman was awful and though I believe partial blame should be put on her for having coffee in her lap in the first place, you are correct in that she deserved the money she received. It was not a frivolous lawsuit. But after much research I found there to be an overwhelming amount of ridiculous litigation. This in turn has created a cause and effect situation where corporations and citizens are both attempting to cover their ass. This only punishes our everyday citizens wanting to put in a hard days work and spend time with their family. Great comment. After watching that documentary i was very much, “Down with the man!”. What i whole heartedly agree with however, is if you’ve been severely wronged, you deserve compensation.

      • oh wow, I’m glad you watched it! I know it was her fault for having it in her lap, but those images of her injuries will haunt me till I die, and just under boiling seems UNBELIEVABLE to me as a recommended temperature to serve coffee at. And to know that the rest of her life was pretty crummy, and all she wanted was her bills paid, and the media just ate her alive and to this day, people make such assumptions, makes me so sick. I agree that frivolity is bad; I just want us to have all of our rights. How about that judge who got black balled?? Or that girl who got raped and had to suffer the arbitration? Stuff like this makes me hope for a Deep Impact-like event to just annihlate us all… it seems like there’s no hope 😦 After I watched that thing, I just felt sad. Like, to my core, sad. 😦

  5. medtxpack says:

    hitting the nail on the head today eh?!
    enjoyed it, good post.

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