Vegan Militia

[Note- After talking to aquaintances, it has come to my attention that I might be alone on this rant.  Enjoy it for the opinion that it is…don’t be too sensitive.  Also my apologies, it’s a bit longer than my usual posts.  If I hadn’t wrote it, I wouldn’t have the attention span to read it.]

I’ve been looking around at various blogs here on WordPress and found several who bitch about the waiters, the service and the food knowledge of the representatives at certain restaurants.  Just to clarify, I have nary a problem with voicing your concerns politely to whomever you wish at the establishment, nor do I hold any opposition to anonymously ranting about the fuck-tard who can’t seem to get your order right, even though you specifically asked for your hamburger sans buns, then made him repeat said order.  No, what I have a problem with is the ingrate who throws a loud bitch fit at the restaurant because his/her steak is cooked medium well instead of medium rare on one half and medium well on the other.  You realize that: A) These “idiots” don’t cook your food, they serve your food.  They don’t know what the fuck your steak looks like on the inside so there’s no reason to tear them a new boo-hole.  Direct your juvenile fit to the cook or the manager.  B) They handle your food!  Being a huge cock holster is probably not the best course of action unless you have a special craving for man sauce on that medium rare/well steak; ever seen the movie Waiting?

If I had the ability to reserve a special place in hell, I would do so for the militantly vegan couple who basically set up an entire restaurant to fail because their soup had meat seasoning; not meat, not beef broth…God damned meat seasoning.  You know, to each their own.  If you want to live a vegan lifestyle, knock yourself out; more meat for me.  But don’t be such a militant hag about it.  Nobody, and I mean nobody likes a lifestyle pushed on them; not Christians, atheists, Hindus or freaking Scientologists…ok, maybe scientologists, they don’t count as people; I’m just saying, by their own accord they’re aliens.  Anyway, Vegans seem to really freak out when meat is within 6 feet of them.  It’s stricter than the buffer zone for sex offenders around a school.  I’ve seen Muslims keep their shit together better when served pork during Ramadan…and they blow shit up on the regular! (I’m kidding, sort of…) 

In one particular post, a married couple go to Cracker Barrel (a facility of fantastic food and fine service), whereby at some point they begin questioning the wait staff as if they were Vietnam prisoner of war interrogators, as to the ingredients and whether or not any meat products were used.  The waiter (according to their post) reassured them there was nothing meat based blah blah blah, boring bitchy content, etc., management called, more bitching, corporate office, yadda yadda yadda, even more bitching…whatever.  Skip down to the part where I say, “Don’t Go Anymore!  Chalk it up to a shitty experience, forget the place exists, spread rumors via internet, warn everybody online that it isn’t vegan friendly and you shouldn’t give them your business; I don’t give a shit, just stay the ‘f’ out of the restaurant if you hate it so much.  It’s Southern cooking for Christ’s sake; hence, therefore, thus, ergo…you’re plate is probably going to have meat introduced to it at some point.  It’s fucking CRACKER BARREL!”  I don’t go to Atheist meetings and bitch about the fact that there’s no God on the menu…I just stay away and go to a more Christ friendly establishment.  Actually I don’t even do that because there are too many requests for money on the menu which irks the shit out of me.  Plus organized churches are kind of a scam in my eyes.  My point is…if you don’t like it, don’t go.

But no, that’s not a logical choice to make apparently.  Instead of going to a more Vegan friendly style restaurant, ‘Veginas’ or something, they want to go back to C.B. (Cracker Barrel) and see if the managers have instituted any changes to the wait staff training in regards to the meat content of their menu.  Here is where I would like to point something out; my baby boy was born with a genetic mutation that gave him something called Galactosemia.  This means he can’t have milk based products (it is not in anyway connected to lactose intolerance, it’s much more serious). Which isn’t limited to just anything with cheese…there’s a whole fuck ton of stuff he can’t have that I never knew contained the sugar galactose, which his body cannot break down properly.  My point is we did our research before taking him to eat anywhere; most restaurants have a list of all their ingredients on their website.  We didn’t even bother asking the wait staff if any of the banned contents were included because we knew.  Better yet, most of the time…we just didn’t go out.  We made his meals specially, for him. 

So guess how their second trip to C.B. wet.  They set the waitress up to fail by asking about the vegetable soup knowing full well that it contained meat seasoning.  Now, I don’t know what meat seasoning is and I’m 31, I don’t expect a 19 year old waitress who just wants her tip and for them to make like a one night stand and get the fuck out.  Anyway, she did what she should and asked her manager if he knew…as if he would or anyone would.  I seriously doubt the cooks know, but you know who does?  Vegan Couple.  My head is going to explode because I can’t verbalize just how shitty of a person you have to be to knowingly set someone up with something as asinine as that.  C.B. f’ed up…fine; but the difference between C.B. and V.C. (hmm…fitting acronym considering the guerrilla warfare and all), is that C.B. didn’t go out of their way to be pricks.  V.C. however went all the way up to regional manager…over meat seasoning.  I feel I should explain something here; C.B. and its managers should be somewhat sensitive (I hate having to say that) to the wide variety of cultures and/or needs of it’s customers by learning everything they can about their menu.  The problem is, no matter what, you can’t please all of the people all of the time. 

My personal belief in all of this is: Never shit where you eat.  If the food sucks or my order is wrong I, I keep my mouth shut and pray they don’t piss in my iced-tea.  Next time I’ll order something different or just not go back there at all.  I do understand the sentiment of some people that they should get what they ordered, that’s just not me.  But if that’s the way you handle things, at least do it quietly and politely without the passive aggressive attempt at proving they’re wrong by setting them up to fail.  When you do that, you cross over from just being a whiney patron to being a shitty human.  All I ask is why?  Why do that?  Go play with a light socket while I eat my body-fluid free, bloody rare steak…hippy!

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Comments
27 Responses to “Vegan Militia”
  1. Why does it bother me? says:

    I hate Vegans. Fuck them and their fucking tofu, soya and humanly harvested vegetables! Grrr

  2. lifewith4cats says:

    @brakeitdownpete, Sure, sure, regulate the girl to the level of secratary.. I see how it is now. 😉 But then I don’t hang out with marines fer nothin. How bout this?.. You catch em, and I’ll skin em, then serve them up to you. (with a smile of course)

    Keep in mind: Gunpowder adds a nice smokey taste. But knives offer that special personal touch, that only a home cooked meal can deliver.

    @jack, raise the number of nested comments through the admin dashboard. That will add the ability to reply to replies.

    • Secretery? No way, you the man, the head honcho, the leader of the pack, the 4 star general, the whole enchilada. You are the brains and we are the muscle. Got it! good now go clean something before you start cooking, cause we are hungry… Joking, Joking, I kid, I kid……And graysonjack you been schooled kid! Go nest something will you!!

      • lifewith4cats says:

        “You are the brains and we are the muscle.” … Now this sounds like a dangerously agreeable arangement. Its been a pleasure talking to you both. Though Jack has remained strangely silent through all. I take it he is the quiet one to watch out for? Stealth mission perhaps?

      • graysonjack says:

        Haha, ass! Does your wife know you’re flirting with me…I mean with lifewith4cats? Kidding.

        • lifewith4cats says:

          all in good fun, my man. When my hubby finally gives permission for me to leave the closet, I tend to bounce off the walls with hyperactivity. Too much protien in the diet ya know.

    • graysonjack says:

      Sounds like we’re having a feast life. And thanks by the way for the little tip about nested comments!

  3. Nick says:

    I don’t know too many vegans — but the ones that I do know would never be caught dead at Cracker Barrel, let alone be douchey enough to plan a second trip for the sole purpose of investigation/entrapment! What I’m saying is: I support this rant.

  4. First: I am pissed that you did not end this blog at A and B and wasted 5 extra minutes of my awesome life. 2nd. start sleeping with your rifle cause i work for some of those aliens and dude they are nuts. I’m scared right now, you know they read minds and shit like that. 3rd. don’t ever say vc again i dropped to the ground and took cover, you know flash backs and shit. lifewith4cats is my new herooooooo

    • By the way you need to water board some of your aquaintances for shitty advise. You are not alone………

    • lifewith4cats says:

      I’m your new hero? Cool! Shall we get together and discuss how we might rule the world? We can start by convincing all vegans to forsake their lifestyles and to become hunter/gatherers instead. After all.. think about how much forest is destroyed by mass agriculture. They dont figure THAT into their doctrine do they. heheh

      • The world? No me and graysonjack can handle the world. Two Marines against the world, I like our odds! We need you to coordinate taking over a galaxy or the universe, but we need to stop and have some lunch along the way. How about some burgers, with bacon and cheese of course and we can chase them down with some meat seasoned broth on the rocks…

  5. lifewith4cats says:

    You threw some humor into your rant. So I read 3/4s of it. I agree on all points. Serving food to strangers would never work out for me. Id be getting fired all the time. I hate peeps who try to shove doctrine at me and make the world bend over for them. When I cross paths with those types of people I tend to push their buttons on purpose.

  6. chrisdevoss says:

    I forgot one thing, I have a two mistake restaurant rule. If the experience is bad the first time I dine there, I will give it one more shot. If the experience is bad the second time, I’m done. Their are too many variables in the restaurant business to blame one thing on a bad experience ie: waiter got the order wrong, kitchen made it wrong, hostess missed your name on the list, it’s too cold, it’s too hot, etc

  7. chrisdevoss says:

    If you eat a vegetable, are you not killing it?

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