Being A Parent Is Hard Work

Posted by graysonjack on September 2, 2011 · 20 Comments 

Kids suck; there’s no two ways around it.  They suck the fun out of life for at least the first couple of years.  You can give me all the bologna you want about how they bring meaning to your life and make you want to be a better person but screw that; those little dream killers are entirely too needy and whiny.  Ok, perhaps I’m being overly dramatic; I can’t actually imagine my life without my kids…but it doesn’t change the fact that they can be about as damn annoying as tiny telemarketers following me everywhere I go asking stupid questions and spilling shit on themselves.

It’s at this point in life where you have to consider perhaps you’re just not parent material.  If you can’t “deal” with their disgusting and quite frankly irritating behavior, then I say it’s a good idea to stop at one child and invest in Xanax and birth control.  As a matter of fact, Xanax would probably do you some good either way…or booze; just don’t do them together and with your kids present (unless you’re looking for an excuse to bring CPS around and take your kid).

My wife and I are constantly at odds with each other over the kids because I feel they should have discipline (not abuse), manners, limited TV time and all around respect for their elders.  It does take hard work, you have to start them young and you have to put up with a lot of what I’ll call ‘negative feed-back’.  Basically they say they hate you and throw an hour long bitch fit/one sided screaming match over why they have to eat their vegetables.  It’s like they’re calling fucking dragons from Narnia with that high pitch squeal/roar. 

Anyway, her feelings are more “progressive”, or what I call…lazy; like let them have whatever they want so they’ll just quit screaming for 5 seconds, lazy.  Where she thinks I’m being mean and controlling, I think she’s just irritated and doesn’t want the kids to keep acting like baboons in a mosh pit.   So she gives them what they want in order to shut them up.  This seems to be a fairly common idea these days when rearing children, which excuse the piss out of me for saying, is bull-shit. B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T.  Now everywhere I go, these little drunk looking carnie-kids are freaking the fuck out over not getting some broke-ass, made-in-China, tinker toy that costs a hundred and fifty dollars.  Yeah, I get it, kids have done that since the invention of sperm fertilizing eggs; the difference is parents used to have the balls to say no to precious Billy.  I say, go back to the days when moms drank martinis all day but pretended she only had one.  Those moms looked sweet and motherly on the outside but inside they were a swollen vagina of repressed rage.  Billy got back-handed if he even thought about arguing.  Even dad knew not to push her too far.  At least that generation didn’t have a whole population of hipsters and Kardashians.  Yeah…that’s our future!  I weep for the people of this once great earth, who in the past just didn’t give a fuck what you thought as you beat your child into submission.  Our president 30 years from now could very well be one of Britney Spears’ or the Octo-mom’s kids.  Think about that shit for a minute…the movie Idiocracy doesn’t seem that far fetched anymore does it?  Lord I pray the 2012 doomsday prophecy comes true; either that or we discover a way to not have stupid people anymore.  Guess which one I think has better odds of happening.  I’ll give you a hint; it rhymes with: Mayan doomsday prophecy.  Did you figure it out?  If that was too tough for you to decipher, then you’re the reason I wish for end times.  Way to go…ass-clown.

Filed under rants · Tagged with Britney Spears, Family, Idiocracy, Kardashian, Lazy parenting, octo-mom, Parenting, Xanax