Being A Parent Is Hard Work

Kids suck; there’s no two ways around it.  They suck the fun out of life for at least the first couple of years.  You can give me all the bologna you want about how they bring meaning to your life and make you want to be a better person but screw that; those little dream killers are entirely too needy and whiny.  Ok, perhaps I’m being overly dramatic; I can’t actually imagine my life without my kids…but it doesn’t change the fact that they can be about as damn annoying as tiny telemarketers following me everywhere I go asking stupid questions and spilling shit on themselves.

It’s at this point in life where you have to consider perhaps you’re just not parent material.  If you can’t “deal” with their disgusting and quite frankly irritating behavior, then I say it’s a good idea to stop at one child and invest in Xanax and birth control.  As a matter of fact, Xanax would probably do you some good either way…or booze; just don’t do them together and with your kids present (unless you’re looking for an excuse to bring CPS around and take your kid).

My wife and I are constantly at odds with each other over the kids because I feel they should have discipline (not abuse), manners, limited TV time and all around respect for their elders.  It does take hard work, you have to start them young and you have to put up with a lot of what I’ll call ‘negative feed-back’.  Basically they say they hate you and throw an hour long bitch fit/one sided screaming match over why they have to eat their vegetables.  It’s like they’re calling fucking dragons from Narnia with that high pitch squeal/roar. 

Anyway, her feelings are more “progressive”, or what I call…lazy; like let them have whatever they want so they’ll just quit screaming for 5 seconds, lazy.  Where she thinks I’m being mean and controlling, I think she’s just irritated and doesn’t want the kids to keep acting like baboons in a mosh pit.   So she gives them what they want in order to shut them up.  This seems to be a fairly common idea these days when rearing children, which excuse the piss out of me for saying, is bull-shit. B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T.  Now everywhere I go, these little drunk looking carnie-kids are freaking the fuck out over not getting some broke-ass, made-in-China, tinker toy that costs a hundred and fifty dollars.  Yeah, I get it, kids have done that since the invention of sperm fertilizing eggs; the difference is parents used to have the balls to say no to precious Billy.  I say, go back to the days when moms drank martinis all day but pretended she only had one.  Those moms looked sweet and motherly on the outside but inside they were a swollen vagina of repressed rage.  Billy got back-handed if he even thought about arguing.  Even dad knew not to push her too far.  At least that generation didn’t have a whole population of hipsters and Kardashians.  Yeah…that’s our future!  I weep for the people of this once great earth, who in the past just didn’t give a fuck what you thought as you beat your child into submission.  Our president 30 years from now could very well be one of Britney Spears’ or the Octo-mom’s kids.  Think about that shit for a minute…the movie Idiocracy doesn’t seem that far fetched anymore does it?  Lord I pray the 2012 doomsday prophecy comes true; either that or we discover a way to not have stupid people anymore.  Guess which one I think has better odds of happening.  I’ll give you a hint; it rhymes with: Mayan doomsday prophecy.  Did you figure it out?  If that was too tough for you to decipher, then you’re the reason I wish for end times.  Way to go…ass-clown.

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Comments
20 Responses to “Being A Parent Is Hard Work”
  1. Anonymous says:

    yeah….go ahead and try to do this ALL DAY LONG, FOR 18 YEARS STRAIGHT yourself and we’ll see what a big shot you are then

    • graysonjack says:

      Hmm…I’m guessing I know you which is why you wish to remain anonymous. Did I strike a nerve, upset you? Or are you just giving me fair warning that it only gets worse? Either way…that was a terrifying comment.

  2. I must agree with my co-blogger and say GREAT POST. In fact, I think this is my favorite post you have ever written. IT IS SOOOO SOOO SOOO TRUE. SO TRUE. There aren’t any more words for me to say. I want to print this and hang it on my fridge.

    ~Annie

    • graysonjack says:

      Haha, thank you so much!I appreciate that, and it's also good to know there are still people out there who think parenting should take a little effort and not spoil their kids stupid.Thank you again for the comment!

  3. Excellent post. “Idiocracy” is coming for us, I’m afraid, and if I had children, I’d be afraid for them, for the shit they’re going to have to deal with. Kids (ranging from toddler to 20s) today should be called the “me” generation, because that’s the only person they seem to care about. And they’re incapable of dealing with anything remotely difficult since they’re used to being handed any little thing they think they want. There are still some good parents out there, but it seems (to me) they’re outnumbered. If only the “progressive” ones understood that by not disciplining their kids, they’re hurting them more than helping them.

    Don’t give in, man. In 15 years, your kids will thank you for it.

    -Nikki

    • graysonjack says:

      First off, totally cool you got the "Idiocracy" reference!Nobody seems to know that movie!Second, it's definitely the "me" generation and it's incredibly frustrating to see.I'm going to have to speak to my dad though, I want to see what they thought of my generation back in the day.You've absolutely hit my soft spot so to speak: "they're incapable of dealing with anything remotely difficult since they're used to being handed any little thing they think they want".That encompasses everything that is wrong with this generation, nothing is earned and everything is given to them.UGH! I'm about to go off on another rant!Anyway, thanks for the great comment, and I will keep on fighting the good fight.I was angry at my father for being strict as I grew up but have thanked him OFTEN in the last few years for making me the man I am today.

      • Nikki & I have used the phrase “Idiocracy will happen in the future” many, many times. 🙂
        It’s a mediocre movie with a killer message; it’s fucking prophetic. Brought to you by CARL’S JR!

        ~Annie

        • graysonjack says:

          Thank you! I’m glad you said it. I’ve been arguing with a buddy of mine about how yeah, I thought the movie was kind of funny but in no way the be-all-end-all of comedies. Great message and completely true, but definitely mediocre. I forget where it’s at but I think it’s listverse who did a list of easter egg sponsers in the movie. Anyway, thanks for the comment!

  4. lifewith4cats says:

    It is the same thing in the animal world. Everyone now trains their pet through endless bribes. We want to be our pets buddies, and not their owners. I think thats just plain ignorant. A treat is a treat because it is special and something to look forward to, its not a form of currency.

  5. Michael says:

    This is why I own dogs and not children.

  6. Why does it bother me? says:

    Bring back the cane! I hate unruly children. I told my niece when she was 9 months old I’d lock her in the down stairs toilet if she messed around. Start them young. She is now petrified of small spaces, but she doesn’t act up when she is with me!

  7. brainrants says:

    You likely already know about the Child Reset Button. It is located in the rounded fleshy posterior just below the terminus of the spine. It is easily activated by an open-palm swatting motion of the Parent Unit’s arm, nominally executed from the elbow down. Occasionally rhythmic repitition is required, but one of sufficient force normally will hit the C.R.B. Once the C.R.B. is engaged, corrupted programming is suspended and the Adult Unit can reinsert authorized programming. Eye lubrication normally is an included subroutine of this Child BIOS feature.

    Your Lovely Spouse might benefit from showing her that excerpt of the kid user manual or dash-10. You’re completely right, by the way.

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