I Fucking Hate Profanity

Not long ago, I got into a heated discussion in the online comments section of a news article about “cursing in the workplace”.  My opinion on cursing is probably quite obvious if you’ve ever read a single post on my blog.  Granted, it is a personal blog and not as public as using profanity at the office; but it did really get me thinking.

The English language as we know it today is relatively young.  If we were to take the word S-H-I-T and research its etymology, we would find that it is derived from the Old English (the language, not the malt liquor) word, scite.  Basically, it’s still the same meaning today as it was then: defecate, poop, excrement, etc.  Hang with me a second and I’ll explain the significance.  It’s said in the bible to refrain from profanity and taking the Lord’s name in vain.  I suppose I can concede the part about ‘taking the Lord’s name in vain’; but refraining from profanity seems a bit subjective.  Who dictates whether a certain word is profane or not…especially whether or not God would find it profane?  Shit and poop mean exactly the same thing, yet, because of a different grouping of sounds, one is now a bad word?  Bullshit, speech is just collections of vocal sounds that humans mashed together in order to communicate.  Meaning and severity of each word are all the product of man; meanwhile each word has the potential to mean something completely different to someone else; for proof, just look at the word ‘cool’; if that isn’t a complete fuck-topia of definitions, I don’t know what is.  So in essence, what we’re saying is that God takes offense at something man, not God put meaning to?  I don’t fucking think so.  If I say “God! Damn you and your Santa-beard-having self!” I figure he knows I’m pissed at him and that’s probably not such a good phrase to say.  But if I call, say…Lindsey Lohan a “dirty cunt, fuck-tard:

1.)    I think God will totally agree, and

2.)    God could give a shit less that I used those specific combinations of words in place of “dirty harlot, stupid face.”

The overall meanings between the two are virtually identical, but because society or the 8th century version of the FCC decided you can’t say fuck-tard (but retarded mongoloid is ok) we’re stuck with hypocritical and subjective rules on decency and speech?  Fuck off!  As I said earlier, these words (especially modern English) weren’t even around when the bible was written.  Maybe if I cursed in Aramaic or Hebrew or some shit, I could possibly, maybe if I tried really, really hard, might could understand the disliking of particular words…but I doubt it. 

This is where I get into people being overly sensitive and PC about dumb shit.  It’s in that previously mentioned online comments discussion where a man asked me the following question: “So you would be OK if someone walked up to your son and called him a dirty, sand-nigger bastard?”  My reply was:

1.) My son is dirty (he hasn’t showered in hours and you know how messy 2 year olds get…).

2.) He is a sand-nigger (your choice of word for ‘Arab’)

3.) Calling him a bastard does make me vaguely irritated, not because it’s a “bad word”, but because my little dune-coon son does know who his daddy is and I’m sure one of these days (after the angry-adolescent years) he’ll be proud to have me as a father.  Now go face-fuck yourself with that little dick you consider your manhood and quit being a bitch you no-spine-having cry-baby…with all due respect of course.” 

The point he was (awfully) attempting to make was that the names themselves were what would piss me off, which is completely wrong.  I don’t care what name you call me; it’s how you say it to me.

The reality is that if someone walked up to my son and said that phrase or any variation there-of, I would put my fist through his face so fast his very next breath after uttering ‘bastard’, would come from the back of his now empty head.  It’s not because of the specific word choice; it’s because of the malice with which he said it.  He could have used the PC version of each word and the result would be the same…a breathing orifice in the back of his skull.

So, back to the issue of cursing in the workplace; I suppose it comes down to intention.  If Bob next to me is just jacking with me like guys tend to do with each other, and calls me a bitch-titted ass-clown, I wouldn’t blink an eye.  But if Bob were upset with me because he thought I banged his ugly wife, it wouldn’t matter if he called me a ‘quake bottom dunderwhelp’(yes, those are 18th century insults I found) or a ‘faggot-ass, cum-dumpster’, he’s getting throat-punched with my fists-of-fury until he cries uncontrollably and soils himself in front of the entire office staff.

Curse words are just like regular words; collections of letters that convey a feeling or idea.  ‘Fuck’ and ‘darn-it’…same meaning; but an insult is an insult no matter what words you use.  Don’t be so sensitive about what your pretty little ears hear at work; you’re an adult.  Some people just prefer to convey personal irritation, excitement or your average sense of apathy towards the work place, using a slightly different vocabulary than you, princess; and please for the love of God, don’t use that tired-ass argument that people who curse have a small vocabulary and don’t know how to express feelings without cursing, because that’s bullshit.  I can also express my feelings by choke-slamming your bitch ass onto this dictionary and pointing to the word ‘condescending’.  I kid, I kid…seriously though, I could probably talk circles around you without uttering a single syllable of profanity, because I’m literally that awesome at confusing people in an argument.  Hell, I’ve contradicted myself like 6 times in this post alone.

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Comments
17 Responses to “I Fucking Hate Profanity”
  1. Shit, fuck, son-of-a-bitch i am really pissed off right now! I wanna punch that cock sucking mother fucker who disrespected your son in the throat until his ass sucks butter milk. I hate nothing more than people who are such pussies that they try and hide there true feelings behind questions or idle conversation. You know he is a racist fuck and meant every word. and just took the opportunity to express his true thoughts and feelings hiding behind the supposed back and forth with you on your online comments. The same goes for those assholes who use fancy language to insult, hurt or demean women/others. Sorry for the rant, but the life i have had has not allowed me to develop defensive skills. I have none – only offense. You know us jar heads…..

    • graysonjack says:

      Haha, whoa there devil dog! I appreciate the sentiment and I absolutely agree. He probably is racist, but I don’t care. I’m happy, so he can go be bitter elsewhere. At least I know I’ve got you to back me up…you’re like a freakin pit-bull!!

      • Just about as tall as a pitbull, but at 205lbs and a heart the size of a soccer ball, i’m not an easy out. You know the old breed. One shot one kill and let’s go home cause my wife is cooking dinner in only a thong and daddy needs some loving! Man i gotta raise my pant legs so i don’t drag them thru all the shit i’m talking. This has been a fun day! Thanks bro for the laughs!

  2. chrisdevoss says:

    I agree with the whole words are just words thing, and definitively with man made the words bad not God…however I enjoy the fact that certain words are taboo. It really gives them that punch you need when you use them. I love the fact that swear words can be angry as well as funny. Scream FUCK! in a crowded room and depending on how you say it, you’ll either incite a riot, or make everyone giggle nervously like they are little school girls.

    If no one gave a fuck about the word fuck, I think you would strip it of it’s power.

    So I agree with you and disagree with you at the same time.

    Confusing…I know….

    …fuck it.

    • graysonjack says:

      No, I’m totally with you. There’s nothing better than a well placed and emphatic ‘fuck’ in the middle of a statement. While the taboo shouldn’t be there, it’s nice that it is. That’s just one more contradiction in my own rant. Thank you for pointing it out…ass! I kid. Thanks for the comment.

  3. PD Williams says:

    Profanity is to language as chocolate chips are to cookies.

  4. Intent . . . you said it man. If the douchbag at work condescendingly says, “Settle down now dear.” I have to swallow it and walk away even though his intent is plainly, “Shut your piehole you cum-sucking bitch.” In which case, I’d be justified in ripping his balls off and shoving them down his throat. I’ve had to put up with more than one dickwad I’d like to see choking on his nutsack, but those assholes always manage to use PC sounds to cover their profane intent.

    You happen to be right and manage to be fuckin’ funny doing it, so fuck ’em.

    • graysonjack says:

      That is about the most awesome reply I’ve ever had from a woman…and I don’t mean that condescendingly at all. Seriously, that was fucking awesome! And I totally understand what you mean. My boss does that to the female employees and it always amazes me that he’s never been called out on it or gotten in trouble. I’m still laughing at your comment, that’s just awesome…thank you!

  5. Evil Bekka says:

    excellent post! I agree and have argued the same thing, although I tend to limit “strong language” to when I really need extra emphasis — or when driving. This: http://www.amazon.com/Thy-Father-Gorbellied-Codpiece-Shakespearean/dp/0765191482/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1319467316&sr=8-1
    book is awesome for PC work types because Shakespeare made up so many lovely insults that we have no clue about now. You can call someone a Fascenarious Fustilarian without them calling in HR, yet you just said they were a skanky, disease-ridden slut! I did a whole research paper on it in college. Good stuff.laughed my ass off.

    • graysonjack says:

      Thank you. And I agree, I try to limit my use of “strong language” just because I’m required to by social ettiquete…sucks.

      That’s really awesome that you wrote a college paper on that! The insults from that time period crack me up. When I was researching a couple for this post, I saw several sites devoted to Shakespearean wordplay and insults…that guy was a GENIUS!

  6. beauregard rippy says:

    Fuckin A!

  7. alanschuyler says:

    My new rule for reading your blog and I suggest this for others: Do NOT read while eating. With your phrase “dune-coon” my granola and soy milk squirted out my nose.

    I really couldn’t agree more with your premise. It’s not the word or choice of words, it’s the intent and the tone. “hey fuck-head” can be a term of endearment and “good sir” can make me want to kick the guys balls into his throat.

    ..and you? You’re just an awesome fuck-head! (Is fuck-head supposed to be hyphenated or is fuckhead without the hyphen?)

    • graysonjack says:

      Haha…granola and soy milk… I’m glad you agree because that guy online would NOT listen to reason. And you’re absolutely right about the ‘term of endearment’…wish I had thought to include that! Fuck-head (I hyphenate…seems like you’re more educated when you add punctuation) is definitely something I would call a friend in greeting. But like you said, if someone I dislike says “good sir” in a sarcastic and condescending tone…well, you took care of that with your nice and violent, descriptive action.

      So, thank you as well ass-master, for calling me awesome!

  8. BrainRants says:

    Fucking brilliant as always.

Yell back

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