I Fucking Hate Profanity

Posted by graysonjack on October 24, 2011 · 17 Comments 

Not long ago, I got into a heated discussion in the online comments section of a news article about “cursing in the workplace”.  My opinion on cursing is probably quite obvious if you’ve ever read a single post on my blog.  Granted, it is a personal blog and not as public as using profanity at the office; but it did really get me thinking.

The English language as we know it today is relatively young.  If we were to take the word S-H-I-T and research its etymology, we would find that it is derived from the Old English (the language, not the malt liquor) word, scite.  Basically, it’s still the same meaning today as it was then: defecate, poop, excrement, etc.  Hang with me a second and I’ll explain the significance.  It’s said in the bible to refrain from profanity and taking the Lord’s name in vain.  I suppose I can concede the part about ‘taking the Lord’s name in vain’; but refraining from profanity seems a bit subjective.  Who dictates whether a certain word is profane or not…especially whether or not God would find it profane?  Shit and poop mean exactly the same thing, yet, because of a different grouping of sounds, one is now a bad word?  Bullshit, speech is just collections of vocal sounds that humans mashed together in order to communicate.  Meaning and severity of each word are all the product of man; meanwhile each word has the potential to mean something completely different to someone else; for proof, just look at the word ‘cool’; if that isn’t a complete fuck-topia of definitions, I don’t know what is.  So in essence, what we’re saying is that God takes offense at something man, not God put meaning to?  I don’t fucking think so.  If I say “God! Damn you and your Santa-beard-having self!” I figure he knows I’m pissed at him and that’s probably not such a good phrase to say.  But if I call, say…Lindsey Lohan a “dirty cunt, fuck-tard:

1.)    I think God will totally agree, and

2.)    God could give a shit less that I used those specific combinations of words in place of “dirty harlot, stupid face.”

The overall meanings between the two are virtually identical, but because society or the 8^th century version of the FCC decided you can’t say fuck-tard (but retarded mongoloid is ok) we’re stuck with hypocritical and subjective rules on decency and speech?  Fuck off!  As I said earlier, these words (especially modern English) weren’t even around when the bible was written.  Maybe if I cursed in Aramaic or Hebrew or some shit, I could possibly, maybe if I tried really, really hard, might could understand the disliking of particular words…but I doubt it. 

This is where I get into people being overly sensitive and PC about dumb shit.  It’s in that previously mentioned online comments discussion where a man asked me the following question: “So you would be OK if someone walked up to your son and called him a dirty, sand-nigger bastard?”  My reply was:

1.) My son is dirty (he hasn’t showered in hours and you know how messy 2 year olds get…).

2.) He is a sand-nigger (your choice of word for ‘Arab’)

3.) Calling him a bastard does make me vaguely irritated, not because it’s a “bad word”, but because my little dune-coon son does know who his daddy is and I’m sure one of these days (after the angry-adolescent years) he’ll be proud to have me as a father.  Now go face-fuck yourself with that little dick you consider your manhood and quit being a bitch you no-spine-having cry-baby…with all due respect of course.” 

The point he was (awfully) attempting to make was that the names themselves were what would piss me off, which is completely wrong.  I don’t care what name you call me; it’s how you say it to me.

The reality is that if someone walked up to my son and said that phrase or any variation there-of, I would put my fist through his face so fast his very next breath after uttering ‘bastard’, would come from the back of his now empty head.  It’s not because of the specific word choice; it’s because of the malice with which he said it.  He could have used the PC version of each word and the result would be the same…a breathing orifice in the back of his skull.

So, back to the issue of cursing in the workplace; I suppose it comes down to intention.  If Bob next to me is just jacking with me like guys tend to do with each other, and calls me a bitch-titted ass-clown, I wouldn’t blink an eye.  But if Bob were upset with me because he thought I banged his ugly wife, it wouldn’t matter if he called me a ‘quake bottom dunderwhelp’(yes, those are 18^th century insults I found) or a ‘faggot-ass, cum-dumpster’, he’s getting throat-punched with my fists-of-fury until he cries uncontrollably and soils himself in front of the entire office staff.

Curse words are just like regular words; collections of letters that convey a feeling or idea.  ‘Fuck’ and ‘darn-it’…same meaning; but an insult is an insult no matter what words you use.  Don’t be so sensitive about what your pretty little ears hear at work; you’re an adult.  Some people just prefer to convey personal irritation, excitement or your average sense of apathy towards the work place, using a slightly different vocabulary than you, princess; and please for the love of God, don’t use that tired-ass argument that people who curse have a small vocabulary and don’t know how to express feelings without cursing, because that’s bullshit.  I can also express my feelings by choke-slamming your bitch ass onto this dictionary and pointing to the word ‘condescending’.  I kid, I kid…seriously though, I could probably talk circles around you without uttering a single syllable of profanity, because I’m literally that awesome at confusing people in an argument.  Hell, I’ve contradicted myself like 6 times in this post alone.

Filed under satire · Tagged with Angry, Curse, Cursing, English Language, Federal Communication Commission, Humor, Insults, Lindsey Lohan, Profanity, Rant, Satire