A Few Of My Favorite Things…To Hate

I hate people who work the drive-thru and barely speak English. I hate drive-thrus. I hate fast-food and I hate slow food. I hate eating unhealthy and getting fat, but eating healthy is worse than that. I fucking hate driving and I hate other drivers more. I hate non-blinker using and cell phone driving whores. I hate malls and stores. I hate crowds and shopping and fucking Christmas season. I hate retards that refuse to listen to reason. I hate deadlines, phone lines, internet-connection lines and store lines. I hate people who can’t park; I hate city parks and amusement parks. Even more than that, I hate skate parks. I’m ok with dog parks but mother-fuck state parks. I hate guns because I can’t use them for fun. I hate that I can’t shoot hipster morons and bike riding Mormons. I hate ironic moustaches and I hate Halloween and its stupid monster-mashes. I hate gay cell phone rings, wedding rings, engagement rings but mostly promise rings. I hate Lord of the Rings and Ring-Around-the-Rosy. I hate when things “ring true” and that awful fucking ‘Ring’ movie.

I hate Jews and I hate Christians. I hate Hindus and fuck Muslims. I hate Hispanics and blacks, Caucasians and Asians. Fuck all the races that make up each nation. I hate rude adults and rude children; rude cashiers and rude salesmen. I hate fruity drinks and fruity desserts. As a matter of fact, fuck fruit and fuck yogurt while I’m at it.

I hate people that aren’t me because they do everything wrong. I hate every single top 40 pop music song. I hate Britney Spears and Lady Gaga; Katy Perry sucks and fuck Madonna. Lindsey Lohan can eat a dick (or ten); same goes for Paris Hilton, Snookie and especially Kim Kardashien.

I hate work but I hate being broke even more. I hate bosses in the office and doing boring chores. I hate cold weather and I hate hot weather. I hate deciding whether or not to wear cotton or leather. Actually, I hate leather and even more than that, I hate polyester. I hate hard drives and long drives, food drives and flash drives. I even hate scenic drives, cattle drives and signs that say ‘Drive Safely’. I hate rules and regulations that promote human safety. I hate internet trolls and I hate fucking road tolls. I hate stupid people, ugly people, pretty people, skinny people and people with rolls and dirty souls. I hate when people have no common sense. I hate when people get super intense over politics and shit; and people who think they’re owed by the government.

I hate teenagers, especially pregnant ones; the same idiots that don’t have the funds to provide for their young. I fucking hate Affliction shirts and the douche-holes who wear them; wannabe MMA fighters are real fucking gems. I do like punching them in the throat or the face, because I hate their stupid look and I hate their stupid race. I hate reality TV and the morons who produce it. I’d rather jam ice picks in my eyes than look at that shit. I hate being on line, in line, out of line, at the starting line, the finish line, the unemployment line and I never ever fucking color within the lines.

I hate mountain dew and ‘X-treme’ anything. I hate people who sue over everything. I hate Tom Cruise, because of Scientology. I hate my job because I hate metrology. I hate 80% of the world and everything you hate too; but most of all…I hate every one of you.

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Comments
12 Responses to “A Few Of My Favorite Things…To Hate”
  1. Too bad you hate rap, because this post reminded me of the song “Life” by Eminem. He hates nearly as much shit as you. You two would probably hate each other.

    I have to ask: is there anything you don’t hate? Blogging about all the crap you do hate, perhaps?

    Cheers,
    Nikki

  2. I hate you and the fucking horse you rode on! TO!

  3. alanschuyler says:

    I’m not sure how such a hate filled rant can make me feel good. …and I hate feeling good. Because I know every time I start feeling good some asshole will ruin the good feeling. My motto is never let yourself be too happy. Oh, yea, I hate mottos. I hate writing comments on blogs… I never know where to stop.

  4. jell jell says:

    Good Job! You almost convinced me to hate some stuff! I haven’t heard much rhyming stuff I didn’t hate, so I got confused about how to feel about liking the rhymes.
    –Jell Jell @ I’ll Sleep When They’re Grown

  5. He’s back! Glad to see you’re at it again.

    I hate 99% of the shit I deal with everyday. I especially hate, douche bags that take their micro-mini vehicles on the expressway and the ass monkeys that have made “realiity TV” their entertainment of choice.

    A friend once told me the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference. I don’t think anyone is going to be indifferent about this post.

  6. Amanda says:

    Maybe we could form a misanthrope club, drink good beer, and make fun of PC “Twitt-idiots” (I hate those people, too) and laugh like rolled out retards while the world goes down in flames. Rock on, Grayson. You’re my hero.

  7. BrainRants says:

    Have you considered going into rap? Wait, no, I think you hated that too.

    Alternately, I think you could turn this into a line of adult Dr. Seuss books.

  8. chrisdevoss says:

    I hated this post. (Seemed appropriate.) Seriously, enjoyed how smooth of a read this was…I don’t know how else to put it.

    • graysonjack says:

      Haha, I’m with you; I hate this post too. Thanks for the comment, I think you put it just fine. I was kind of going with a rhyming rant while trying not to sound too lame.

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