A Few Of My Favorite Things…To Hate
I hate people who work the drive-thru and barely speak English. I hate drive-thrus. I hate fast-food and I hate slow food. I hate eating unhealthy and getting fat, but eating healthy is worse than that. I fucking hate driving and I hate other drivers more. I hate non-blinker using and cell phone driving whores. I hate malls and stores. I hate crowds and shopping and fucking Christmas season. I hate retards that refuse to listen to reason. I hate deadlines, phone lines, internet-connection lines and store lines. I hate people who can’t park; I hate city parks and amusement parks. Even more than that, I hate skate parks. I’m ok with dog parks but mother-fuck state parks. I hate guns because I can’t use them for fun. I hate that I can’t shoot hipster morons and bike riding Mormons. I hate ironic moustaches and I hate Halloween and its stupid monster-mashes. I hate gay cell phone rings, wedding rings, engagement rings but mostly promise rings. I hate Lord of the Rings and Ring-Around-the-Rosy. I hate when things “ring true” and that awful fucking ‘Ring’ movie.
I hate Jews and I hate Christians. I hate Hindus and fuck Muslims. I hate Hispanics and blacks, Caucasians and Asians. Fuck all the races that make up each nation. I hate rude adults and rude children; rude cashiers and rude salesmen. I hate fruity drinks and fruity desserts. As a matter of fact, fuck fruit and fuck yogurt while I’m at it.
I hate people that aren’t me because they do everything wrong. I hate every single top 40 pop music song. I hate Britney Spears and Lady Gaga; Katy Perry sucks and fuck Madonna. Lindsey Lohan can eat a dick (or ten); same goes for Paris Hilton, Snookie and especially Kim Kardashien.
I hate work but I hate being broke even more. I hate bosses in the office and doing boring chores. I hate cold weather and I hate hot weather. I hate deciding whether or not to wear cotton or leather. Actually, I hate leather and even more than that, I hate polyester. I hate hard drives and long drives, food drives and flash drives. I even hate scenic drives, cattle drives and signs that say ‘Drive Safely’. I hate rules and regulations that promote human safety. I hate internet trolls and I hate fucking road tolls. I hate stupid people, ugly people, pretty people, skinny people and people with rolls and dirty souls. I hate when people have no common sense. I hate when people get super intense over politics and shit; and people who think they’re owed by the government.
I hate teenagers, especially pregnant ones; the same idiots that don’t have the funds to provide for their young. I fucking hate Affliction shirts and the douche-holes who wear them; wannabe MMA fighters are real fucking gems. I do like punching them in the throat or the face, because I hate their stupid look and I hate their stupid race. I hate reality TV and the morons who produce it. I’d rather jam ice picks in my eyes than look at that shit. I hate being on line, in line, out of line, at the starting line, the finish line, the unemployment line and I never ever fucking color within the lines.
I hate mountain dew and ‘X-treme’ anything. I hate people who sue over everything. I hate Tom Cruise, because of Scientology. I hate my job because I hate metrology. I hate 80% of the world and everything you hate too; but most of all…I hate every one of you.